We all crave connection. Sometimes we get it, sometimes we don’t. But what if I told you that there was something that you could do that could magically create an instant connection. You might do it right? Well let’s see…
I’m just going to cut straight to the chase and get right to it – most important thing, the magic ingredient to create connection, is vulnerability.
What does vulnerability mean? Well, if you look it up in the dictionary, it is “the state of being open or exposed which could lead to the possibility of being hurt”.
It is one of the things us humans struggle with the most. I’m a bit of a fan of the TV show The Bachelor and Bachelorette (even though there are so many things wrong with that show regarding finding love – I still find it quite entertaining anyway). But the thing that they keep talking about is their inability to open themselves up to someone because of their fear of getting hurt.
We are really scared of being vulnerable because we fear rejection. We don’t want to get hurt and we don’t want to be criticized, so we keep ourselves safe. Well let’s face it, if you show someone the real you, the deep down real you, and you get rejected for it, it is going to bring up a world of pain.
It is going to bring all your unconscious stuff to the surface to deal with. We all have the tendency to move towards pleasure and away from pain. So, if we perceive there is going to be some pain involved, we will try everything we can not to let ourselves receive that pain. To not let ourselves get hurt.
So, we put up our walls, we shut ourselves down, and we don’t let anyone in. But when we create those walls around our heart, it also stops our heart from opening. It stops people from coming in to us.
Instead of becoming walls to protect us and to help us in a way, they actually start to hinder us, hurt us, and keep us in a prison. A prison where we can’t connect with people fully because we won’t allow ourselves to be vulnerable and open because of the fear of getting hurt.
Now, I know it’s a big one! I struggled with it in my early adult years, however from my 30’s onwards vulnerability was an important thing for me. If when dating someone I found that they could not communicate about their feelings, their thoughts, their desires, or everything that was in their heart…. then I couldn’t be with them.
Because I knew that vulnerability was such an important ingredient in the creation of a magical, and healthy, long lasting relationship. And if it is that important for a relationship, then vulnerability really needs to start when you are dating someone.
I know it’s hard. Is it scary for you? It can bring up feelings of fear. How comfortable are you to lay down your deepest desires, your fears, your hurts, your hopes, and reveal your past hurt and pain to someone? Does that freak you out? Or do you feel comfortable with it? Most people probably feel freaked out about it.
So, because of that, I wanted to give you a list of some small things that you can do to help build up your levels of vulnerability, or your ability to become vulnerable. So, here are some small things that you can do to help you to become more vulnerable.
1. Give a compliment
The first thing that you can do to start to open yourself up to be more vulnerable is to give someone a compliment. Giving someone a compliment is giving someone a little piece of you.
Giving a compliment is an easy way to show someone that you like them, which is a vulnerable thing to do as you don’t know how they are going to react. So, give someone a compliment, see how you go – get in the habit of giving compliments.
2. Talk about something you are passionate about
Many people are scared to share what they are passionate about with someone because they don’t want to get criticized for it, or they don’t want the person to think that they are a little bit weird or different.
I implore you to share what you are passionate about with someone. That is going to increase your openness. And you want the person to know the REAL you anyway right?
3. Speak your truth
If something is happening and it doesn’t feel right to you then speak up about it. Speak your truth. No matter what you think the outcome could be. That is putting you in a space of vulnerability.
You need to practice this while dating because it is super important to be able to speak your truth within a relationship.
How do you feel now? Do you think you can take some of these little steps to become more vulnerable?
I hope so, because it is what is going to create connection and intimacy in your relationships. And you need to start doing that while dating – so that you lay the foundations for a brilliant relationship.
A good way to practice being open and vulnerable is to join my free Facebook group “Finally Find The One with Tracey Wynter”, where you can join other like-minded singles where you can support each other, ask questions, tell us of your dating success etc. I hope to see you there.
I know that you CAN and WILL find love.
Bye for now!