Have you ever felt a bit shy or awkward when you are on a date? You are not alone!
It is normal to feel this way.
Self-confidence however, can make dating easy and fun. To find out how you can feel more confident while on a date, please continue reading below (you can also watch the video – which is a little less detailed).
Why is it important to be confident when dating
Let me start this all off by explaining why I think it is important to feel confident when dating.
(Notice that I said FEEL confident, not BE confident – because when you FEEL confident from the inside, then that is automatically going to help you to BE confident anyway)
When you feel confident you:
- Have much more fun on your dates – less awkwardness
- Create a connection more easily
- Get to know someone more quickly
- Will be able to tell if your date is someone that you “should” get to know better or not, and;
- Your date will feel more attracted to you – because they will feel that they can connect with you.
What I believe confidence is:
Firstly, let me say what I don’t think confidence is. Confidence is not being overly self-assured, cocky, or arrogant. I do not believe that is true self-confidence.
Confidence comes from a feeling that you are enough. Just as you are. It indicates a good level of self-worth. You know that you are a decent human being, and you are worth getting to know better.
I would prefer to call it inner confidence. You know who you are, what you want, and what you deserve.
Confidence is not about being absolutely certain that your date will like you…. It is about you being ok if they don’t.
Rejection can be really tough to deal with. It is completely normal to feel sad about it, and I recommend going through everything that it brings up for you. It needs to be released.
But confidence will remind you that the rejection is not personal to you. Do not take it personally. If there is not a connection, it necessarily is not for the reasons you think.
Rejection just means that they were not the right fit for you, and it leaves the door open for the right person to walk through.
Natural confidence comes from the inside
How confident we are really depends on our inner beliefs, experiences, past hurts, and fears. These were set a long time ago in our childhood and still dictate how we feel, act, and behave as adults.
Guaranteed that if you have trouble being confident when dating, it is because something happened in the past to make you believe that you were not enough in some way, shape or form.
So naturally, I will always recommend that you do some inner work around these areas.
If you can uncover these and work with them, then you can release their hold on you. Your levels of self-confidence will naturally increase, and you will act and behave in a more confident manner.
I highly recommend this above everything else. True confidence comes from a deeper emotional process.
So, please do the inner work on your past hurts, and incorporate some of these practical “external” ways to increase your confidence levels.
Practical ways of increasing your self-confidence in everyday life:
- Be kind to yourself – the nicer you are to yourself, it shows more self-love which increases confidence. Notice any negative talk you have towards yourself and do you best to stop it. Do things you love doing. Treat yourself.
- Body image – many confidence issues come in the form of body image. Feeling that you are either too skinny or too curvy, the color of your skin, your facial features etc. I want you to begin owning who you are. You are beautiful just the way you are.
- If you find yourself always focusing in on the part of your body/your features that you don’t like, perhaps instead start thinking about the parts of you or your body that you do like – Find something about yourself that you do like and focus on that.
- If you believe that you cannot find love because you perceive yourself “too big” (for example), ask yourself “is it true that people can’t find someone to love them because they are too big”? Of course it is not true! People of all shapes and sizes have found love. Finding love has nothing to do with your body shape, size, or features.
- Know that the love of your life, will love you exactly the way you are. How about you start loving yourself just the way you are.
- I am statements. Our brains are so clever, that they can form new neural pathways at any time. Which means we can bring new beliefs into our life through repeating these beliefs over and over again. Make up empowering “I am” statements about yourself that make you feel good. Say them out aloud to yourself every time you are in the shower. Say them with feeling and feel it with every part of your body. These statements could be something like:
- I am special
- I am unique
- I am awesome
- I am worthy of love
- I am safe
- I am strong
- I am brave
- I believe in myself
- I am a good person
- I love being me
- I am enough
Make up ones that are specific to you. If they feel uncomfortable at first, then it is probably a really good one for you to be doing.
How to be more confident when on a date
Here are some practical things that you can do while you are on a date that helps build your self-confidence, and you will also radiate a level of confidence that your date will definitely notice.
- Arrive on time- arriving on time makes you feel calm and shows the other person that you have integrity, and that you are interested in meeting them.
- Wear something that makes you feel good – if you feel good and like what you are wearing, then that will help you to feel more confident. Same goes for how you have your hair etc.
- Have a plan – when you already have a plan of what you are doing for the date (meeting for coffee), sitting in the park, having a meal etc., it can make you feel calm and confident. If you do not have a plan, it can put you in a place of uncertainty and indecisiveness when you both cannot decide what to do.
- Eye contact – look the person you are choosing to spend some time with, in the eyes when you talk. It shows that you are interested and interesting at the same time. Confident people naturally look at your eyes when they are engaging in conversation. It is much easier to connect with someone when you do this.
- Smile – confident and happy people smile naturally. Don’t do a huge fake smile if you are not feeling happy, but if you are having trouble getting a smile on that dial, then think how cool it is to be getting to know someone. Smile at something they say that you like, smile because of your surroundings, smile because you are out on a date with someone.
- Initiate and engage in conversation – confident people can hold a good conversation. If you find yourself experiencing awkward silences on dates, or if you fumble around thinking what to say…. Then have a set of questions in your head (that you thought of before the actual date), that you can ask to start a conversation. That way you are prepared and in control.
- Be positive in your conversations – do not slip into negativity or complaining.
- And finally, be yourself – you want them to like you for who you are and visa verse. Be true to yourself and own your own uniqueness.
If you put some of these practical steps into practice and do some inner work to heal the parts of yourself that feel ‘less than’, then you will be well on your way to being more confident. This in turn will make dating so much more fun and enjoyable.
I know that you CAN, and you WILL find love.
Bye for now! X
Tracey Wynter is the founder of Finally Find The One. She helps people discover and get rid of all of the internal “stuff” that stops them from finding love, and teaches them a new way to date, so that they can finally find the one.
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